I'm baaack....

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted on here and my whole life is so different now than it was almost five years ago.

First of, I managed to lose a bunch of weight and am down to about 152, eight pounds less than my goal weight of 160.  I look pretty good, if I do say so myself.

I also got divorced in May of this year.  Kenin and I had a lot of good years but we also had a number of not great years so we separated in April, 2017.  Please don't shed any tears...  I didn't.  I'm very happy being on my own and have been enjoying the single life.

I've been dating a lot and have decided that I don't know that I'll ever be monogamous again.  I believe in love, but not necessarily that I'll find it again.  I don't mean that in a bad way, either.  On the plus side, I've been seeing someone for almost year now and I waffle back and forth between trying to decide if it's love (or could be at some point) but as of right now, it's just whatever it is.

I was fired from Dish earlier this year, but that was definitely a blessing in disguise because I never knew how miserable I was there until I left.  The said that I was termed due to poor performance but it was awfully suspicious when they didn't even tell my manager they were firing me and waited until a day he was off to do the deed.  I felt pretty vindicated when they appealed my unemployment and they lost.  It was particularly gratifying to hear my old manager say that when I was fired that I was meeting expectations.

Ashlyn and boyfriend are now Ashlyn and husband, which is pretty awesome.  It's been almost 9 years for them and while they haven't given me a grandchild yet, I do have a granddog, which is pretty cool.  But make no mistake, I'm still holding out for a human.

Jena is in the process of getting divorced and in addition to my three amazing grandsons, she's finally giving me a GRANDDAUGHTER in December.  All I have to say is that it's about damn time.

Patrick is living in Texas with his bio mom and is doing really well from what I hear.

Hunter has his own place here in Denver and is struggling with addiction, so please send him some good thoughts, light and love, especially since we just found out some life changing news.

Now that I'm back into this, I imagine it's going to go more in the direction of kind of a diary, so folks, it's no holds barred.  I didn't really hold back before, but now I'm REALLY not going to hold back.

there's not so much of me as there used to be

So, as of 2 days ago, I am down to 188.  I've had to completely re-do my wardrobe (read: bought a whole bunch of new clothes) and am feeling really good.  I can eat just about anything I want;  the only catch is that I can only eat about 4-6 small bites of it.  But it's okay...  it's definitely worth eating 1/8 as much as I used to to lose the weight.  But there are times when I REALLY, REALLY miss eating I like used to.  But life is good!

Mormons confuzzle me...

Not much can make me speechless. I can carry on a conversation with a tree stump and am not nearly as hesitant as I should be when it comes to sharing my opinion. But there are some things that I just can't fathom, and the things that I saw when I visited a Mormon church service yesterday is a prime example.

Since when is it okay to do paperwork or play with your cell phone in the middle of a church service? What happened to people taking their disruptive children out of the sanctuary during worship? Why do people, particularly adults, think it's okay to talk during the service? Why is it okay to knit a hat during Sunday school? And where was I when it became acceptable for adults - or anyone for that matter - to carry on a texting conversation in church?

Now I know that the older I get the more I become like my father, which isn't necessarily a good thing. I know that I'm judgemental but I really don't think I'm out of line in wondering what these people were thinking.

I grew up going to church. I've been to the Church of Christ, Catholic churches, Baptist churches, Lutheran churches and non-denominational churches and in all my experiences I've never seen this kind of disrespect toward God. While there are aspects that I like about the Mormon church (not so much the whole prophet business) this has really turned me off from learning more about them.

the lesson I learned this weekend

I'd like to think that I'm a pretty decent person, certainly not someone you'd see on Cops or anything like that. But there are times when someone will piss me off and I just want to get 3 shades of redneck. However, I'm usually pretty good at controlling my temper because on the (thankfully) very rare occasion that I loose it, unpleasant things are bound to occur.

Don't you just hate it when someone eggs you on? You can see it coming from a mile away, that it's going to end and not only will it end, but it will end badly and with a fair amount of carnage, none of which will be you because you are the one carrying a big stick and an extra large can of whup ass. Well, I just plain hate it when someone can't let something go. And I particularly hate it when that someone is my normally wonderful husband and he's just doing his level best to make me mad.

So, if you're like me and someone's aggravating you sure as they're breathing and you've told them 3 times that this is a conversation better not conversed right now and they still push you, here's what not to do:

DO NOT THROW your very favorite $65 heavy metal stock pot toward the sink (throwing it at your spouse is probably not such a great idea either, but hopefully you know this already). If you do throw the pot, it will bounce off the rim of the sink and head toward the wall. And when it gets to the wall, it will then leave a hole the size of your palm in the wall, and that's going to be a real bitch to repair. And just imagine the mess if that pot's not empty when you throw it.

The moral of this story? Don't throw your favorite stock pot. It'll dent and then you'll have to buy a new one. And that sucks.

no mo', no mo', no mo'

You know, I don't really mind getting older. I mean, the last time I got upset over having a birthday was when I turned 17 and realized I'd wasted a fair amount of my teenage years being a bonehead. Turning 30 didn't bother me and 40 isn't appearing as a great looming horror in my mind's eye. I still feel in my mind like I'm in my 20's, and have even been known on occasion to act like it. So like I said, getting older isn't bothering me one bit. But I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty damn unhappy about what this aging crap is doing to my body.

Having gray hair doesn't bother me. God knows I've earned each and every one of them, so in my eyes, it's kind of a badge of honor. However, I've got the ugliest, most mousy brown hair though, so I dye it. I swear it's not about the grays - ask anyone who's known me, I've been dying my hair since I was 20. What's aggravating me is that my once super thick hair is getting thinner and that's pissing me off. It used to be so, well, thick. And now it just hangs there, limp and lifeless. This is not okay. Just because my grandmother wore a wig to cover her 4 hairs doesn't mean I want to.

My hormones are more whacked out now than I ever was, even during my incarnations of crazy. I'm not talking about emotional hormones, either. I mean, I feel like I'm going through adolescence all over again (except this didn't happen before!) and it was not the most pleasant experience the first time around, let me tell you. My skin is doing strange things, like I break out on my chest, and I have extreme itches on my neck, which (naturally) happen in the middle of the night and I wake up with red welts on my neck from where I've scratched myself too much. And I don't sleep - at least not for more than 4 hours - without the aid of good pharmaceuticals.

Basically, this getting older crap just isn't working for me, so I'm officially declaring that I refuse to age even one more single, teeny, tiny bit. I'm done, finished, over it, not doing it anymore. But just in case push comes to shove and I loose it and beat someone to death with a shoe or something, I plan on using hormones as my defense. And you just know that unless that jury's comprised solely of men, I'm getting off scott free.

I'll stay right where I am, thanks

The other night Hunter and I were talking about the differences between co-workers and bosses.

Me: So, Ms. Special Ed Teacher is technically my supervisor, but she's also my co-worker because we work very closely. I'm not on the same level as Mr. Vice Principal or Mrs. Principal.

Hunter: No, you're not. First you'd have to be a real teacher. Then you've have to get your Master's Degree. And then, you'd have to get a degree in politics if you wanted to be a principal.

If he only knew how true that really is...

Just One More Example Of Me Being Crazy

Wouldn't you think that now that school's out for the summer that I'd be doing a little more relaxing that when I was working? That's what I'd think. I think that's what most people would think, don't you think? Well, I think that my life isn't quite like that, like that so-called normal life. 'Cause I'm sure as hell not relaxing.

Lynn and family came down the day after school was out, so I/we spent a pretty fair amount of time with them until they left last Wednesday - and had a blast, BTW. Then I did dentist appointments, rugby practice, rugby games, a bunch of cross stitching for one of the 5 babies that are due in the next 7 months, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping twice since the grocery gods didn't think I spent enough money the first time around, and got baked at the pool. Oh yeah, and I threw some exercise and laundry in there, too.

And today I'm steam cleaning my carpet because the management company is coming on Thursday to see if they want to replace the carpet we currently have. Yes, I know that if I want new carpet - which I do, desperately - then shampooing it is probably not the best way to go about it. The goal would be to make it look as nasty as it can, maybe get a truckload of dirt from one of the landscaping companies and see how much we can grind into the padding. But it would absolutely kill me for someone to see my house look that bad. I mean, come on, that's one of the reasons why I don't invite my parents over more for dinner is because my carpet looks like crap. I'm not serving them carpet to eat, or even asking them to eat off the carpet, but it's still not a decent looking floor covering. Hopefully the carpet will be just the right amount of dirty when I get through, not filthy but not clean, either. Just the right amount of yuck.

It's not like the carpet was new when we moved in, either. Realtor Guy said that they were going to put in new carpet, but then decided not to when they discovered we had cats. That may be a form of feline discrimination, but I dealt with it because I liked the house and the neighborhood and the price were right. But it's been 2 years and now I want new carpet!!

So carpet aside, here's a picture of Hunter from his last rugby game. (The green teeth are from his mouth guard, not poor dental hygiene habits, just in case you were wondering.)

They Can Hear You, Too

Kenin: You know, some days you're my favorite least psychotic wife, and other days you're just my favorite psychotic wife.

Me: Now aren't you going to feel bad if I'm ever diagnosed with some sort of psychotic disorder?

Kenin: No. I'm actually expecting it.

Me: The voices in my head say they're disappointed in you.

Three Things

Things That Scare Me

1. Not having enough money to retire
2. Running out of toilet paper
3. Ignorant people who are allowed to make rules

People That Make Me Laugh

1. My kids
2. My best friend, Lynn
3. Charles and Drew

Things I Love

1. Falling asleep while getting a foot massage
2. The sound of snow falling
3. Early morning when no one else is awake

Things I Hate

1. Ignorance
2. The lack of funding in Colorado for the developmentally disabled
3. My inability to be diplomatic/keep my mouth shut

Things I Don't Understand

1. Why I have 4 hairs on my chin that weren't there a year ago
2. People who complain about a situation but refuse to take steps to improve it
3. Why I cry when I think or talk about things I'm passionate about

Things on my Desk

1. Candles
2. Computer stuff
3. The talking Taco Bell dog that says, "Here lizard, lizard."

Things I'm Doing Right Now

1. Having my caffeine for the day
2. Listening to my cat, Napoleon, snore
3. Answering these questions - DUH

Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Go to Europe
2. See my children grow up and be responsible so that I'll know I didn't completely screw them up
3. Find peace and serenity

Things I Can Do

1. Tune out annoying noises
2. Support friends and family
3. Be obsessive about new endeavors

Things You Should Listen To

1. The laughter of a child
2. Your heart
3. Music that evokes a happy memory

Things You Should Never Say

1. I hate you
2. I can't
3. Never

Things I Would Like To Learn

1. How to be diplomatic and patient
2. How to snowboard
3. How to translate my enthusiasm for singing into talent

Favorite Foods

1. Mexican
2. Junk
3. Practically anything with a tomato-y sauce

Favorite Beverages

1. Water
2. Slightly sweetened iced tea
3. More water

TV Shows I Watched, Books I Read as a Kid

1. The Dukes of Hazzard
2. Night Tracks (pre-MTV music videos)
3. The entire Little House on the Prairie series

Patting Myself On My Back

I'd like to think that I'm not usually one to brag about things that I do. And even if that's not the case, I want to think that it is, so please don't burst my bubble. However, I've changed a couple of things in my life lately and just wanted to share them with you, the lone person who's subscribed to my blog, and the occasional computer literate homeless person who hangs out at the library when it's cold.

Since August 13, the day school started this year, I've lost 33 pounds and weigh, for the first time in a very long time, less than 200 pounds. (I realize that posting that on the internet increases the chances of me being laughed at or made fun of, but what the hell, I have no secrets anyway.) I've done it mostly by watching what I eat, eating slowly, listening to my body and stopping eating when I'm not longer hungry versus when I'm so full I want to puke. Also, I indulge myself from time to time. If I want pizza, it's okay for me to have a slice or maybe even two, but the days of eating 3, 4, or 5 pieces are over. I still crave sweets though, and I've discovered a wonderful thing: Weight Watchers desserts. My favorite is the chocolate chip cookie dough sundae and it satisfies my craving and is low calorie, compared to "normal" food and doesn't sacrifice taste. Ugh! I sound like I'm preaching, so time to change the subject.

The other thing that I've done is that I've quit smoking. Again. It's only been 3 weeks, but I think this time it's for good. I'm taking wellbutrin, which works great to help you quit and has worked well for me in the past. It's also an anti-depressant, so it helps to keep me on a more even keel and hopefully I'm less bitchy as I go through withdrawal. About 3 years ago, I quit for 4 months and the reason I started back was that several boulders fell on me at once (going to court with Kenin's ex, Kenin getting a new job, trying to find a new place to live, and then moving, all within a month's time) and I gave in. This time I feel much more ready to quit and I think I have better coping skills to deal with stress. Besides, I wasn't smoking a whole lot anyway, so why smoke at all? Keep your fingers crossed for me. I will beat this thing yet!

And This Is Realistic?

Huffy awoke at 3 am, as usual, for work this morning and my brain heard the alarm as well and decided to begin functioning, depriving me of sleep, which really sucks because I took today off from work so that I could have a much need Mental Health Day. Once I'm up, there's no going back to sleep, so I began to peruse the gossip pages (are there any other kind?) at people.com. I came across this story in which actress Sophia Bush talks about how she's Italian and food is supposedly such a big part of her life. She says:

"[Food is] such a part of my life and family time and enjoyment and a source of
real pleasure. It’s not something I’d ever give up. I’m very happy to be a
[size] 2-4 [rather] than a double 0."

She's kidding, right? I mean, how can food be that big a part of your life if you're only a size 2 or size 4? I'm afraid to even hug someone that small for fear that I might break them. I guess if someone's super duper petite, then being that small may be okay, but there's only about 10 people in the world who are naturally like that.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average U.S. woman is 5' 3" tall and weighs 152 pounds. More than 50% of the women in America wear clothes that are size 14 or higher, but the ideal body, as portrayed by the media, is totally unrealistic. I'm 5'8" and at my smallest adult weight, I weighed 162 lbs. That may sound like a lot, but folks, I wore a size 10 so, no, I wasn't big at all. If I were to weigh less than 150 lbs., I'd look horrible, but that's what so many people (women in particular) want, to be skinny. I've fought and lost the battle of the bulges for years, but am happy to report that I've lost 30 pounds since August, and I hope to continue to lose another 20, but I'm doing it in a healthy manner.

I'm not aiming to be a size 2, 4, or even a size 6. And if I'm ever a size 0, you can rest assured that it'll be because I'm dead and all the flesh has rotted off and there are only bones left.

Because I'm So Intelligent

During the Delaware-Appalachian State football game...

Me: Delaware's getting spanked.

Kenin: I know.

About 90 seconds later, Appalachian State scores another touchdown, making the score 21-0 with 10 minutes to go in the 2nd quarter.

Kenin: Baby, Appalachian State is spanking Delaware.

Me: Didn't I just say that?

Kenin: Yeah. I'm just reiterating what you said because you're so intelligent.

Well, duh.

A Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

Over the last few weeks/months, you've been pretty stressed out, what with Kenin's surgery and his work status and your work and all. You're beginning to eat more of the junk you should be avoiding if you want to make it to that weight loss goal of yours, your school work is way more work now than it's ever been before, and gawd knows, your sleeping habits aren't even habits anymore, unless you count the fact that you're barely sleeping at all. The thing is, you've got to let all the crap in your life GO. I know it's hard, but there's really nothing at all that you can do about the stuff other people do.

Sometimes you put up a pretty good front, but I think we both know that there's a good-sized hunk of denial in your line of thought. Yes, it's scary not knowing exactly what's going to happen from day to day, but it's okay to be scared. You are a control freak, but this is totally out of your hands. Your life could be a whole lot worse than what it is, even though I know you don't see that all the time. Things have been rough before and you got through them just fine, just like you'll get through this, too. Revel in the family and kids and Kenin and do what you often tell others... SUCK IT UP.

Love,
Me

200 Things, Part 1

It seems like most every blog has a section like this so I decided to jump on the bandwagon, too. I did this partially so you can learn a little more about me, but more honestly, because right now I don't feel like taking the time to come up with something more original.

Have you ever...?

1. Bought everyone in the pub a drink - Nope, I'm too cheap/poor.
2. Swam with wild dolphins - Not yet, but I hope to be able to do it when I take Ash on a cruise after she graduates from high school.
3. Climbed a mountain - Yes, but not a big one. Technically, possibly not a mountain at all, but more of a foothill-type mountain. Actually, it was just more of a plain hill. But it felt like a mountain.
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive - I see this as an exercise in futility because I'm never going to be able to afford a Ferrari. Besides, I'm more of a Mercedes person.
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid - Too much sand.
6. Held a tarantula - No, but I've held a garden snake. Does that count?
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone - I have, and what an experience that was! If you want to do this, I suggest that at least one of you be of the petite variety, or let the hot tub be your bathtub.
8. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it - DUH
9. Hugged a tree - Not while sober.
10. Done a striptease - Definitely not while sober, and hopefully not while drunk.
11. Bungee jumped - Not even if I wasn't sober.
12. Visited Paris - Not yet.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - How about from the balcony of a 12th floor room on the beach? Absolutely humbling sight!
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise - On more than one occaision.
15. Seen the Northern Lights - On TV
16. Gone to a huge sports game - Not an experience I hope to have to repeat. Imagine the Broncos playing at Mile High Stadium for Monday Night Football. Imagine that it's 35 degrees, raining, and the wind is blowing. Now, imagine that the people you went with insisted on eating a massive dinner before the game and then wanted to drive their car instead of being smart and taking the free shuttle. Got it? Now, add the fact that there was a wreck on the way to the stadium and we had to park gawd knows how far away (all I know is that it was really, really far) and it was HALFTIME when we finally got to our seats. Yeah, not something I want to do again.
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa - Nope, not gonna happen. I swear that as stable as it may be now, the minute I'd get to the top, the whole thing would come crumbling down.
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables - When I was little my parents grew corn and I ate it. Close enough?
19. Touched an iceberg - Nope, not unless you count the time that huge chunk of ice cubes that got stuck together in the ice dispenser of my fridge.
20. Slept under the stars - Is in a camper under the stars the same thing?
21. Changed a baby’s diaper - Way more than one.
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon - One day.
23. Watched a meteor shower - What a cool experience!
24. Gotten drunk on champagne - Yes
25. Given more than you can afford to charity - Most days I'm the one who's in need of charity, but yeah, I've done that.

Saturday Night Dinner Theatre

The Setting: Red Lobster, during their Endless Shrimp promotion (irrelevant, but yummy)

The Actors: Hunter, as the Narrator; Kenin, Patrick, and me, as the Audience

The Props: A small, black plastic skeleton and a small neon green spider, given to Hunter by a waiter who is very nice to young boys in an almost-but-not-quite-full-blown creepy kind of way, and the small, red, lobster-topped, sword-shaped fruity drink holder thing that came in Hunter's Shirley Temple

Hunter: Aaarrgghh! The spider bit me on the hip (holds spider to skeleton's hip)! Here, let me thrust the sword into the spider (thrusts sword into the spider (duh))! Aw, crap! I hit my hip! Oh, my hip, my hip! Now I can't walk (makes dying sounds, much to the dismay of Kenin, who's apparently taken Hunter's playing just a little bit too seriously)! Aaarrrggghh!

The Audience (okay, it was only me): Hysterical laughter

Okay, I Admit It

Back in July, I posted about a person I worked with last year who was a bit petty. Well, I don't know what happened over the summer, but that person is GONE!!! I'm very happy to say that she who was once petty is now pretty cool. It's amazing the way we're getting along and I'm proud to say that she's now my friend. I don't know if it was her, or if it was me, but whatever or whoever it was, things are much better now. We've both said how much more we appreciate each other this year, compared to last year, and now, yes, here it is: I was wrong. There, I said it. Are you happy? I hope so, 'cause I can't imagine I'll ever say those words again. Just ask my husband...

School Begins

So today we started back to school. We being Hunter and I, he as a 5th grader and me as a 2nd year Severe Special Needs Paraprofessional. I was a little worried that he wasn't going to like his teacher because he'd been telling me all summer how a friend of his had gotten in trouble by her for running in the hall last year. That was no biggie to me because I spent half my time last year telling kids to QUIT RUNNING! in the halls. But Hunter doesn't think like an adult and after he nearly went ballistic on his teacher last year, I had understandable cause for concern. It turned out that he does like her and according to him, "she's strict, but in a good way." Now if we can just keep that sentiment beyond the first week of school...

Most of 'my' kids showed up today, except for one that's out of town for the next month and a new kindie that doesn't begin school until Wednesday. The kids were good, which was surprising, as our schedule for them was screwy being that it was just the first day. We tried to have them in class as much as possible today so they could get used to their new surroundings, and I think that was a good idea. One incident of note... I was told by Harry Potter (who last year wanted to marry me) that now he wants to marry Alice in Wonderland. I suppose it's for the best being that A) I'm already married, B) he's 29 years my junior (it may work in some circles, but not mine), and C) I don't think he can support me in the manner I wish to become accustomed to on just an SSI check every month. Oh well, he's still a cool kid.

Songs That Speak to Me

Redneck Woman by hell-yes-I'm-a-redneck-and-damn-proud-of-it-thank-you-very-much, Gretchen Wilson. This is me. I can't help it.

Sammy Kershaw's Queen of My Double Wide Trailer. While I've never lived in a double wide, the first place of my own that I had when I moved out of my parents home when I was 17, was a single wide trailer. I don't think double wides had gotten popular yet, if they were even around way back then.

Sweet Home Alabama by the one and only Lynyrd Skynyrd. And I happily admit to carrying my redneck roots around with me - Sweet Home Alabama is the ringtone on my phone.

Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann's Earth Band is one of those songs that I can listen to (with the volume ALL THE WAY UP, of course) over and over again and never get tired of. And yes, I know ALL the words, even to the extended version of the song. Watch me pat myself on the back as I ask you how many people you know that can say that.

Lone Star's first hit, Amazed. When we first began dating, this was the first song that Kenin ever said made him think of me.

Bitch by Meredith Brooks is the song that I think of when I think of my daughter, Ashlyn. She was only about 4 when it came out and she'd sing it loud and proud, but would leave out the title of it because it was a bad word. She still loves the song and still sings it without the title (at least when she's around me).

Uncle Kracker's Follow Me is one of the first songs my son, Hunter, really liked. He was about 3 years old and sang it to the best of his ability which, bless his little heart, wasn't very well. I think the next song he learned was Lose Yourself by Eminem.

Kid Rock's Cowboy reminds me of Patrick because it's the only song guaranteed to get a smile.

And one last one... Happy Birthday because, well, it's my birthday today.

Ah, to be 16 again!

Just a few differences between my daughter, Ashlyn, who turns 16 today, and myself, who was 16, some almost 22 years ago:

Ashlyn: Scared to death of driving and has no urge to even begin Drivers Ed or her state-mandated 50 hours of adult supervised driving; would much rather mooch rides from me, Kenin, her grandparents, friends, or her boyfriend. This girl will be right at home in the back of a limo should she ever be able to afford one.

Me: Although I was in the nut house on my 16th birthday, at the age of 14 (or was it 15?) I'd already 'borrowed' my parents car (and one belonging to a friend or two as well) and had driven with only my learners permit (and certainly no adult) all around the city of Augusta (GA) and the confines of Ft. Gordon. No, I never got caught by the cops, but feel the need to apologize to my brother, Tom, who got blamed for the time that I parked too close to the curb and ripped the air plug thing from the tire, resulting in the flattest tire ever seen in Kings Chapel Court.

Ashlyn: Has a FABALUSS relationship with her mother (AKA me), if I do say so myself. We talk about EVERYTHING, we bond (particularly over TV and food), and we hang out. She actually likes me, so I've decided to keep her. At least until she turns 18.

Me: Had a not-so-good relationship with my step-mom at the age of 16. Not-so-good is actually much better than my relationship with her prior to me being in the nut house. Don't get the idea that she was an evil stepmonster or anything, because she wasn't. I was just a butthead. The big turning point for me? When Ashlyn was born, my step-mom (now just known as MOM, 'cause she IS) accepted Ashy as her own grandchild. She's a great lady, and I love her bunches.

Ashlyn: Petite, skinny, and disgustingly shapely little stick of a child who eats, or grazes, all the time. I don't know who she got it from, 'cause I never looked like her when I was growing up, or even anytime after that. Ashy actually TRIES to gain weight if she goes below 105. How cool is that? Anorexia is NOT in her future. Her typical order from McDonalds (her favorite food place and where she works. Convenient, no?) is a Southwest Chicken Salad with extra dressing if you please, a Hot n' Spicy Chicken sandwich (or sammich, as we Southerners like to say) with extra lettuce and extra mayo, and a large strawberry shake. She complains her boobs are too small, but I keep telling her that at least they won't sag to her belly button when she gets older.

Me: An average sized child until about the age of 10 or so, I began to pack on the pounds after my mother died. I was a plump teenager (having the munchies during my druggie years prior to the nut house years didn't help much, either) and managed to become a plump adult. With the exception of a year before I got pregnant with Ashlyn and the year before I got pregnant with Hunter, I've always had a little extra skin hanging around. Since I can no longer have kids, I can't imagine I'll ever be slender again. Not that I'm complaining (much). I have to admit, Ashy definitely got her enjoyment of food from me.

Ashlyn: Works at McDonalds and actually LIKES it, and not just for the almost free food that she gets. She looked for a job for several months before she could find someone who would hire her, since she was only 15 at the time, and was thrilled to finally get hired. She worked her first Mickey D's birthday party last weekend, and her manager said that she wants her to do all the parties from now on. She's also training people, so she must be doing okay. I'm glad she likes it, but will most definitely have a fit if she were to become a manager. She also VOLUNTEERED to work this summer with me during the last week of ESY (Extended School Year, or summer school) with special needs kids. How many 15 year olds do you know that have been hired by the 2nd largest school district in Colorado to work with special needs kids? Do you not see how wonderful my daughter is?

Me: Although I was in the nut house at 16 (are you seeing the trend?), my first job was at the age of 15 and was at one of the Augusta-based chain of KFC-type restraunts called Wife Saver. They had good food, especially their shrimp, which you might not expect at a chicken place. But, alas, the shrimp and paychecks were not enough to keep me employed there for more than a couple of months. The lure of hanging out at the bowling alley (Of course, I didn't actually bowl. That would have been un-cool.) and smoking on the steps of the skating rink with my so-called friends was too much. I was too lazy to want to work, and would have most certainly killed any children that came in for a birthday party had they offered that as an option.

So, as you can see, Ashlyn is an incredible young lady. She is the light of my life and I'm so proud that she is so much like me, but so much not like me, too. I love her more than anything, and hope that all parents are lucky enough to enjoy their own children as much as I enjoy mine. Ashlyn, you rock.

Crying

Do you cry? I cry. A lot. And it's not because I'm sad or depressed. I mean, I cry at commercials. Commercials, for God's sake! How crazy is that?! You know those Hallmark commercials? Those make me cry sometimes. But you know what really gets to me? OnStar commercials. You know, the ones where the person's been in a wreck and they call OnStar and then the OnStar rep calls 911. Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know. I just know it happens. And movies... oh my. If I see a movie trailer that looks like it might be sad, I know that I'll have to wait until the movie comes out on netflix before I can watch it. I get a major case of Rudolph nose when I cry, so crying at the theater is a definite no-no for me. I still haven't watched the Passion of the Christ because I don't think there's enough kleenex in the world for me to see that movie. I can watch the last 10 minutes of a movie I've never seen before and cry, so you know I'm bawling at movies that are repeats for me. I won't have a clue what the movie's about, but if the last few minutes are sad, or even happy(!) then I'm done for. I think the movie that made me cry the most was The Notebook, which is probably the greatest love story ever written, as far as I'm concerned. If you haven't seen it, DO!