Friday, October 11, 2013

T minus 24 days...

When I was in The Nuthouse, many years ago, I met a girl named Carey.  We weren't particularly close or anything, and we lost track of each other after I left.  Life went on and then, a few years ago, thanks to Yahoo Groups, we found each other again.  About a year or so ago, she said she was going to have gastric bypass surgery.  I guess she'd had some other weight loss surgery in the past and it didn't work well, so she was going to have another one done.  Anyway, I haven't heard much about her outcome (anything at all, truth be told).  I don't know if she really hasn't lost much weight (which IS possible, if you don't do what you're supposed to do) or what, but I wonder how it worked out for her.  I don't want to ask, because, what if it didn't work?  I've seen pictures of her and I know she had to be close to 300 pounds, so I don't want to ask and have her have to say, Well, I didn't follow the plan and it was a waste of my time.  That would just piss me off, especially since she's on disability and I'm pretty sure my tax dollars were the ones that paid for the surgery.  I guess that's kind of shallow, but this is my place to be honest.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

T minus 25 days...

So, the last time I weighed, which was about 2 weeks ago, I weighed 227.  That's a mere 2 pounds more than the minimum that would keep me at a BMI of 25.  When I went to the doctor the first time, they told me that I couldn't lose any weight, or else I might not be eligible to have the surgery done.  So I ate.  And ate.  And ate some more.  And the most that I weighed was 230 and I think the only reason it was ever that much is because I purposely ate Chinese food the day before.  Hey, anything to make sure I didn't drop below a 25 BMI...

My life is going to change so drastically, and I'm sure it will change in ways that I haven't even thought of yet.  And believe me, I have been doing a lot of thinking about it lately.  Almost like everything I do makes me think of how I'll be doing things differently in just a few weeks.  I think Oh, I'll be able to still eat this, or Nope, I'll probably never be able to eat this again and all kinds of thoughts in between.

Yesterday, I emailed my FMLA paperwork to the doctor and today I got notice from my benefits department at work that it's been approved.  How's that for expediency?  I have to admit I'm impressed.  I expect to be out for about 3 weeks before I go back to work.  That's how long Tiffers was out, as well as how long another friend from work was out.  I really have until December 17, but I'll be way broke before then. 

Speaking of....  yes, my insurance does cover the surgery.  I had to see a dietician and my regular physician at least once every 30 days for 90 days (I ended up having to go 4 times to each just to make sure I had enough visits) and be on a medically supervised diet.  I gotta be honest though...  I didn't even try to diet.  With my luck, I'd have lost those 3 pounds I worked so hard to gain.  LOL  At worst it was just a pain in the butt to do and at best, I've got some pretty good tools to use for after the surgery.  And as you know if you've read the blog from earlier this year, we met our deductible pretty early on, so it should be covered at 100%.

In two days my promotion at work will be official.  Woo hoo!  I've worked long and hard to get where I am and I still want to go further.  Whether we want to admit it or not, obese people are not promoted as quickly as folks of the skinnier variety.  I'm certainly not doing this for a job, but I don't imagine that it will hurt my chances any. 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

T-minus 29 Days and Counting...

On Monday, November 4, I will have gastric bypass surgery.  I'm really not all that big, when you compare me to the majority of people who have this surgery, but I'm having it anyway.

This is a process that started way back in April of this year.  One of my dearest friends, Tiffany, and I work with a woman who had the surgery back in August, 2012, and we were so amazed with the difference that it made in her life, that we started looking into it.  For Tiff, it was much more of a serious matter than it was for me.  She is larger and I barely - and I mean, BARELY - made it into the BMI range for being eligible for the surgery.  We went to a seminar put on by Denver Bariatric Surgery and it was amazing.  And our insurance covers it!  How cool is that? 

Anyway, like I was saying, for Tiff, it's more a big deal that it is for me.  Yeah, I know that I weigh about 65 pounds more than I did when Kenin and I got married, but I also know that he loves me no matter what.  As a matter of fact, his prime concern with me having the surgery is that I will get too skinny and he DOES NOT like skinny women.  (Do I have the best husband in the world, or what?)  I guess you could say that I "followed" Tiff into all of this.  I've been heavier than I would like for the majority of my life.  I was made fun of by my brothers for many years as I grew up, and it helped to shape the way that I looked at myself, and that caused a lot of issues for me.  I certainly don't blame them; we were all in bad places at that point in our lives.  But I felt like I wasn't good enough and all I wanted was to feel loved.  I did lots of inappropriate things to get that "love" that I wanted, and as I said, that caused some issues.  Eventually, I grew a backbone and some self esteem, and at that point, I didn't really care what anyone thought of me, because I was (and still am) happy with the me on the inside.  Unfortunately, I'm not as happy with the me on the outside.

Food has always been a big part of my life.  My favorite memories are of me as a small child, and the family gathered around a table, chowing down on a holiday, or just visiting each other.  A lot of my memories of my biological mother involve food - her cooking our favorite things, her dieting and weighing her food on one of those tiny scales.  And I've always had a sweet tooth.  If it had sugar in it, I made a beeline to it.  I can still remember the bake sale that we had at school when I was 6 or 7 years old... there was the most incredible, ooey, gooey, marshallowy Rice Krispy treats that I think I've ever (even to this day) put in my mouth.  So, yeah, I started out young.

To be continued...