Monday, June 9, 2008

A Wee Bit of Trepidation

Next week ought to be interesting as we're going to be attending the every-6-years-or-so family reunion up in Breckenridge. We're renting 3 condos for a week, although most of the family will be arriving Sunday and leaving Thursday. My branch of the family tree will be heading up on Saturday, so we'll be there the longest, which is good, because the last semblance of vacation we had was 6 years ago, when we did a reunion in Galveston.

I'm truly my father's daughter (control freak), so I expect to be in tears by Tuesday. I've always felt like an outsider in comparison to my brothers; I got married, had a baby and was divorced by the time I was 23 and almost without exception, they were all in their 30's or older before they got married. I'm going to be a grandmother, and they're still working on having kids. I didn't do college right after high school; I'm doing it now. I have tattoos and at the last reunion I was told that my body is a temple and I shouldn't have them. I replied that my temple had pretty pictures on it. Perhaps you can see how there might be some fundamental differences.

I guess I'm just nervous. Scared is probably a better decription though. Whether I want to admit it or not, I guess I still carry along a lot of baggage from my childhood, and it's been really easy to ignore it over the years because my family doesn't get together very often, so I don't have to think about what's stored in my Samsonite. But 5 days? I don't know that I can hold it in that long, when we're going to be together the whole time.

I know that none of us are the same people that existed so many years ago, we've all changed, blah, blah, blah, but I was a screwed up kid, and the only thing that's helped me be an okay adult is having that distance between us. I don't want that distance, but at the same time, I don't know what it would be like to be close. There are things that should be said, but the last thing I want is for this thing to become a 5 day group therapy session. Oh well, that's enough sharing for one day...

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