Monday, March 24, 2008

Something Truly Disturbing

Every great now and then, I stumble upon something so strange, so abnormal, so just plain screwed up, that I'm rendered practically speechless. It doesn't happen often, but there are occasions that I wonder if I - and all other fairly reasonable people - haven't been sucked into a black hole and have simply ceased to exist. And tonight was one of those occasions.

Pet (aka Ashlyn, the skinny mini size 2 that actually tries to gain weight) and I, at the tail end of the great search for Lean Cuisines and Weight Watchers frozen foods, ambled through our neighborhood grocery store toward the cash registers and made the mistake of doing so by way of the SEASONAL AISLE. I managed to avoid the perils of half price leftover Easter candy, - no small feat, let me tell you - but it was only because what I saw so disturbed me that even my unnatural fondness for sugar was forgotten.

I saw an Easter basket with a toy chainsaw in it! Now what damn idiot thought that up? What kind of fool puts a chainsaw, even a toy one, in an Easter Basket? Is it any wonder kids in America are so screwed up? That kids go around killing people? Don't you think that this is the way the Texas Chainsaw Massacre started? Those rednecks got chainsaws in their Easter baskets, I'm sure of it! That's the only plausible explanation.

Now, parent to parent, or parent to non-parent who buys for children, or what the hell ever you may or may not be, please just do me one favor, okay? Please don't buy the children in your life items that they can practice killing you with, especially if it's in a damn Easter Basket. That'd be just plain ol' bad parenting. And then I might have to hunt you down or something.

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