I was cleaning up an old website I'd made and came across these quotes. I hope you like them as much as I do!
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Sex on TV isn’t bad for you unless you fall off.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Spotted on the back of a T-Shirt worn by an LAPD Bomb Squad member: If you see me running, try to keep up.