Thank Gawd It's Over

September 19-23 had to be some of the most stressful days of my entire life. We spent those days in Texas (AKA Hell), where our daughter, Jena, got married.

Just a few thoughts regarding that experience:

1. I still hate Texas. It's hot, it's humid, the refineries stink up the air so badly that you wish you'd been born without the ability to smell and I (once again) almost got carried off by the state bird, the mosquito. I loved seeing Kenin's family, but I really wish they'd move.

2. To the woman (my Momma taught me at the age of 6 that there is a real difference between a lady and a woman) who attempted to cut in front of me at the Southwest Airlines gate in Denver: What the hell were you thinking? Did you think that although I arrived at the gate over an hour before you did that I'd willingly let you cut in front of me so that you could get a seat closer to the front of the plane? I got there early for a reason, and yes, I purposely blocked you when you attempted to get in front of me because I'm bitchy like that. Next time you want a good seat, get your ass up at 3 am and quit trying to cut in line like a 5 year old. <ding> You are now free to move about the country.

3. I have no problem with prayer. I totally expected it. Not only was it a wedding, but one performed by a Baptist minister. So, no big deal, I knew it was coming. But one thing I noticed was that every third word was "God". It went something like this: God, thank you, God, for this wonderful day. God, this young couple is here to celebrate you, God. We ask, God, that you bless their marriage. God, please blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. I was just wondering why he kept saying "God" so much. Did he think that someone was going to lose his or her religion and let loose with a "Praise you, Satan!" or something? Strange stuff, but whatever. Maybe it's just Baptists. I don't remember if they're all like that or not because I've done my best to block out the Sundays I had to spend at the Rockmart Baptist Church while I was in The Nuthouse. There weren't any Satanists there, anyway. At least that I know of.

4. It's really a small world out there. On the way back to Denver from Hell, the man and the woman in the seats in front of me (who were unknown to each other prior to the plan ride - I know because I listened in) lived in the same towns as me - in South Carolina. Currently, he and I live in Denver, she lives in Aspen. He and she lived in Charleston, SC, as children. I lived there for a while, and Hunter was born in Charleston. He (the man, not Hunter) grew up in Myrtle Beach, SC, and Kenin and I lived there when we were first married. He and she (and her hubby) are considering moving to Texas. This is where the coolness ends because, as you are well aware, I hate Texas.

So, I'm now a mother-in-law. But that's a whole 'nother topic...

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Today, as Ash and I sat munching some yummy sammiches at Panera Bread, I saw something I didn't even know existed. Wait, scratch that. It was more like two someones doing something that until now I'd never heard of, much less actually seen in all of my 30-something years. Are you sitting down? I hope so, because you may just fall slap to the floor if you're not.

I heard two men talking about a relationship! Now, I don't mean that one of them said, "I told her to get me a beer before she went out to mow the lawn," and the other one replied that he "Should've told her to bring a whole six pack, because did you see that game? It was almost as good as the tractor pull at the county fair last year." No, I mean these two men were talking the way that women talk, with feelings and everything! It was almost scary. Now, you might be thinking that perhaps these two gentlemen might not have been of the heterosexual persuasion, which could be why they were talking so, well, girly-like. Well, the thought crossed my mind, too, so I listened a little harder. It didn't take long to ferret out that they were saying she and marriage quite a lot (way more than even gay men say 'girlfriend'), so that blew that scenario right out of the water.

Anyway, my point is that although I'm sure two men talking about relationships doesn't happen all that often (because you know if it did, women would already know about it and this would not be news I felt the need to share), I'm damn glad it's happening at all. Maybe after all those years of training our men to listen and to feel and to share, they've finally gotten the message!

Okay, I Admit It

Back in July, I posted about a person I worked with last year who was a bit petty. Well, I don't know what happened over the summer, but that person is GONE!!! I'm very happy to say that she who was once petty is now pretty cool. It's amazing the way we're getting along and I'm proud to say that she's now my friend. I don't know if it was her, or if it was me, but whatever or whoever it was, things are much better now. We've both said how much more we appreciate each other this year, compared to last year, and now, yes, here it is: I was wrong. There, I said it. Are you happy? I hope so, 'cause I can't imagine I'll ever say those words again. Just ask my husband...

A Letter to My Husband's Boss

(If you might be offended by a little cussing - and believe me, it's way toned down from what's really going through my mind - or by, uh, I don't know, maybe the truth, then I would stop reading now or your face might melt and slide down your facial bones. And yes, Daddy, I know I shouldn't be writing this. Perhaps when I'm not so upset I'll consider taking it down. But that won't be today. And probably not tomorrow, either.)

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You suck. How dare you decide to take away Kenin's sales commission without telling him upfront! You have no clue how hard he works for you. He's brought in 100K on his accounts in the last month alone, and you want to tell him that he can't have commission on that? You, who want him to do sales calls (without commission, naturally) while he's on the first vacation that our family has had in five years, want him to do something for you that is not even his job and that you're not going to pay him for, even his lousy 1 damn per cent commission? And you want this done on our vacation?? Are you insane? I didn't know they even made drugs that were so good that it caused you to think that you could intrude on a family vacation, particularly one that isn't yours!

In July, the day that you told Kenin he was getting a raise, you said that your goal was to give him so much money that he couldn't afford to leave your shop because he does such a great job for you. Well let me tell you something, asshole... this is not the way to go about accomplishing that goal. You said that you were going to consider dropping his commission, but he never heard anything else about it until today. You claim to be a person who stands by his principals, but this is shit. When you interviewed Kenin, he told you he wanted to work for a company that 'says what they do and does what they say'. Oh, Company X is that kind of company, we're exactly what you're looking for, you said. Yeah, well, my ass it's that kind of company. You are so lucky that Kenin such a good damn person because if I were him, you'd be kissing good-bye all those meetings that he scheduled to get your ass in the door. They are HIS contacts, you SOB, not yours! I'd be damned if I did a single sales call for you, much less with you after this bullshit.

I guess maybe I should thank you though. Now I don't have to worry about Kenin staying up until midnight working on spreadsheets for you 3 or 4 nights a week or the 8 or 10 or 12 hours that he works every damn weekend because he feels that its for the good of Company X, even though it's really at the expense of his family life. This man would follow you to the ends of the earth and practically kill himself working for you if you only treated him the way a respectable businessman should. Look at all you've changed! And you did it all for the price of a single lousy commission check, for a stupid $1124 commission check. Your company shipped out over a half a damn million dollars worth of work last month. And you want to cheat Kenin out of his fair share of that? Out of that work that he brought in? That's just plain sad.

What a week it's been!

Yes, I know I haven't posted. And to be honest, I'm sure that bothers me way more than it bothers the 2 other people who read this blog. I swear I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. But I kind of want to.

The last two weeks have been, well, a bit rough. I won't go through what happened last week except to say that I was very tired, what with having an actual job again. That first week is a killer. It's not like I was sleeping in over the summer or anything, unless you count 7 am as 'sleeping in'. But my gawd, it was those damn kids at work! I'd forgotten how exhausting chasing around a group of developmentally disabled can be. Ugh. I'm a bit more acclimated to it now, but I'm really glad that week is over, not that this week has been much better.

So, this week, Monday night to be exact, I drag Ash, Hunter, and Patrick to David's Bridal to have her dress for Jena's wedding altered. The seamstress - do people still use that word? - shortened the straps, pinned the booby cup things in, and began looking at the waistline of the dress with a funny look. Just for the sake of argument, we'll call it a skeptical look. Now, a skeptical look coming from a seamstress as she looks at an already-paid-for-all-sales-are-final-and-don't-you-even-think-about-asking-for-a-refund dress just scares me. I walk over to them just in time to hear her tell Ashy that 'we can't fix that'. Surely I misunderstood her. Totally channelling a very irate black woman from New York City at that moment, I tried to be calm as she tells me that because of the way the fabric is cut (on the bias, as if that means anything at all to me), if they try to correct the fact that seam isn't straight or flat, it will only make it worse. I guess she saw the look on my face because at that point, she hurried off to find her boss. Bosslady comes and after an equally skeptical look at the dress, she informs me that that is, in fact, the case. You could say that it was at that point that I was about this close to being livid. After calmly explaining that we'd been told by the idiot (No, I didn't really use that word. But I wanted to.) sales person that their alterations department could 'fix anything, anything at all', it was suggested to me that I might want to speak with the manager, who might be able to arrange a little somethin' somethin' to correct the situation. Long story short (okay, not really short, but at least shortER), we ended up being able to ORDER A DIFFERENT DRESS. I know they're going to try to stick it to me with a rush alteration fee, but I'd be surprised if they manage to succeed. At any rate, with a little luck, we should have a new dress by September 1st, which leaves just over 2 weeks to have it altered.

Short and sweet: Tuesday night, we had to go pick up Hunter's violin (not an instrument I'm excited about, or ever expected him to want to play), so, once again, I drug Ash and Patrick along, too. It was a huge cattle call thing, and it sucked, to say the least. My salesperson was not only incompetent, but an idiot as well, and not only could he not fill out the rental application, I doubt he could find his own butt without considerable help. Wednesday night I attended orientation at Arapahoe Community College, without, thankfully, children in tow. It once again made for a long day, but was at least interesting and without incident. Well, the lights went out because of a storm, but after the week I've had, that doesn't count.

School Begins

So today we started back to school. We being Hunter and I, he as a 5th grader and me as a 2nd year Severe Special Needs Paraprofessional. I was a little worried that he wasn't going to like his teacher because he'd been telling me all summer how a friend of his had gotten in trouble by her for running in the hall last year. That was no biggie to me because I spent half my time last year telling kids to QUIT RUNNING! in the halls. But Hunter doesn't think like an adult and after he nearly went ballistic on his teacher last year, I had understandable cause for concern. It turned out that he does like her and according to him, "she's strict, but in a good way." Now if we can just keep that sentiment beyond the first week of school...

Most of 'my' kids showed up today, except for one that's out of town for the next month and a new kindie that doesn't begin school until Wednesday. The kids were good, which was surprising, as our schedule for them was screwy being that it was just the first day. We tried to have them in class as much as possible today so they could get used to their new surroundings, and I think that was a good idea. One incident of note... I was told by Harry Potter (who last year wanted to marry me) that now he wants to marry Alice in Wonderland. I suppose it's for the best being that A) I'm already married, B) he's 29 years my junior (it may work in some circles, but not mine), and C) I don't think he can support me in the manner I wish to become accustomed to on just an SSI check every month. Oh well, he's still a cool kid.

Songs That Speak to Me

Redneck Woman by hell-yes-I'm-a-redneck-and-damn-proud-of-it-thank-you-very-much, Gretchen Wilson. This is me. I can't help it.

Sammy Kershaw's Queen of My Double Wide Trailer. While I've never lived in a double wide, the first place of my own that I had when I moved out of my parents home when I was 17, was a single wide trailer. I don't think double wides had gotten popular yet, if they were even around way back then.

Sweet Home Alabama by the one and only Lynyrd Skynyrd. And I happily admit to carrying my redneck roots around with me - Sweet Home Alabama is the ringtone on my phone.

Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann's Earth Band is one of those songs that I can listen to (with the volume ALL THE WAY UP, of course) over and over again and never get tired of. And yes, I know ALL the words, even to the extended version of the song. Watch me pat myself on the back as I ask you how many people you know that can say that.

Lone Star's first hit, Amazed. When we first began dating, this was the first song that Kenin ever said made him think of me.

Bitch by Meredith Brooks is the song that I think of when I think of my daughter, Ashlyn. She was only about 4 when it came out and she'd sing it loud and proud, but would leave out the title of it because it was a bad word. She still loves the song and still sings it without the title (at least when she's around me).

Uncle Kracker's Follow Me is one of the first songs my son, Hunter, really liked. He was about 3 years old and sang it to the best of his ability which, bless his little heart, wasn't very well. I think the next song he learned was Lose Yourself by Eminem.

Kid Rock's Cowboy reminds me of Patrick because it's the only song guaranteed to get a smile.

And one last one... Happy Birthday because, well, it's my birthday today.

My PageRank is...

The good folks at blogflux.com offer a page rank service by google.com along with the following words:

Google's PageRank is a way of knowing how important a site is. Show off your PageRank to your blog readers.

Well, me being me, I put that little puppy right down on the page and and BAM! Just butter my butt and call me a biscuit! I discovered that I'm about the only person who ever reads my blog. Not a biggie, though. I'ma figgur this stuff owt an git better at it. :)