no mo', no mo', no mo'

You know, I don't really mind getting older. I mean, the last time I got upset over having a birthday was when I turned 17 and realized I'd wasted a fair amount of my teenage years being a bonehead. Turning 30 didn't bother me and 40 isn't appearing as a great looming horror in my mind's eye. I still feel in my mind like I'm in my 20's, and have even been known on occasion to act like it. So like I said, getting older isn't bothering me one bit. But I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty damn unhappy about what this aging crap is doing to my body.

Having gray hair doesn't bother me. God knows I've earned each and every one of them, so in my eyes, it's kind of a badge of honor. However, I've got the ugliest, most mousy brown hair though, so I dye it. I swear it's not about the grays - ask anyone who's known me, I've been dying my hair since I was 20. What's aggravating me is that my once super thick hair is getting thinner and that's pissing me off. It used to be so, well, thick. And now it just hangs there, limp and lifeless. This is not okay. Just because my grandmother wore a wig to cover her 4 hairs doesn't mean I want to.

My hormones are more whacked out now than I ever was, even during my incarnations of crazy. I'm not talking about emotional hormones, either. I mean, I feel like I'm going through adolescence all over again (except this didn't happen before!) and it was not the most pleasant experience the first time around, let me tell you. My skin is doing strange things, like I break out on my chest, and I have extreme itches on my neck, which (naturally) happen in the middle of the night and I wake up with red welts on my neck from where I've scratched myself too much. And I don't sleep - at least not for more than 4 hours - without the aid of good pharmaceuticals.

Basically, this getting older crap just isn't working for me, so I'm officially declaring that I refuse to age even one more single, teeny, tiny bit. I'm done, finished, over it, not doing it anymore. But just in case push comes to shove and I loose it and beat someone to death with a shoe or something, I plan on using hormones as my defense. And you just know that unless that jury's comprised solely of men, I'm getting off scott free.