Thank Gawd It's Over

September 19-23 had to be some of the most stressful days of my entire life. We spent those days in Texas (AKA Hell), where our daughter, Jena, got married.

Just a few thoughts regarding that experience:

1. I still hate Texas. It's hot, it's humid, the refineries stink up the air so badly that you wish you'd been born without the ability to smell and I (once again) almost got carried off by the state bird, the mosquito. I loved seeing Kenin's family, but I really wish they'd move.

2. To the woman (my Momma taught me at the age of 6 that there is a real difference between a lady and a woman) who attempted to cut in front of me at the Southwest Airlines gate in Denver: What the hell were you thinking? Did you think that although I arrived at the gate over an hour before you did that I'd willingly let you cut in front of me so that you could get a seat closer to the front of the plane? I got there early for a reason, and yes, I purposely blocked you when you attempted to get in front of me because I'm bitchy like that. Next time you want a good seat, get your ass up at 3 am and quit trying to cut in line like a 5 year old. <ding> You are now free to move about the country.

3. I have no problem with prayer. I totally expected it. Not only was it a wedding, but one performed by a Baptist minister. So, no big deal, I knew it was coming. But one thing I noticed was that every third word was "God". It went something like this: God, thank you, God, for this wonderful day. God, this young couple is here to celebrate you, God. We ask, God, that you bless their marriage. God, please blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. I was just wondering why he kept saying "God" so much. Did he think that someone was going to lose his or her religion and let loose with a "Praise you, Satan!" or something? Strange stuff, but whatever. Maybe it's just Baptists. I don't remember if they're all like that or not because I've done my best to block out the Sundays I had to spend at the Rockmart Baptist Church while I was in The Nuthouse. There weren't any Satanists there, anyway. At least that I know of.

4. It's really a small world out there. On the way back to Denver from Hell, the man and the woman in the seats in front of me (who were unknown to each other prior to the plan ride - I know because I listened in) lived in the same towns as me - in South Carolina. Currently, he and I live in Denver, she lives in Aspen. He and she lived in Charleston, SC, as children. I lived there for a while, and Hunter was born in Charleston. He (the man, not Hunter) grew up in Myrtle Beach, SC, and Kenin and I lived there when we were first married. He and she (and her hubby) are considering moving to Texas. This is where the coolness ends because, as you are well aware, I hate Texas.

So, I'm now a mother-in-law. But that's a whole 'nother topic...

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Today, as Ash and I sat munching some yummy sammiches at Panera Bread, I saw something I didn't even know existed. Wait, scratch that. It was more like two someones doing something that until now I'd never heard of, much less actually seen in all of my 30-something years. Are you sitting down? I hope so, because you may just fall slap to the floor if you're not.

I heard two men talking about a relationship! Now, I don't mean that one of them said, "I told her to get me a beer before she went out to mow the lawn," and the other one replied that he "Should've told her to bring a whole six pack, because did you see that game? It was almost as good as the tractor pull at the county fair last year." No, I mean these two men were talking the way that women talk, with feelings and everything! It was almost scary. Now, you might be thinking that perhaps these two gentlemen might not have been of the heterosexual persuasion, which could be why they were talking so, well, girly-like. Well, the thought crossed my mind, too, so I listened a little harder. It didn't take long to ferret out that they were saying she and marriage quite a lot (way more than even gay men say 'girlfriend'), so that blew that scenario right out of the water.

Anyway, my point is that although I'm sure two men talking about relationships doesn't happen all that often (because you know if it did, women would already know about it and this would not be news I felt the need to share), I'm damn glad it's happening at all. Maybe after all those years of training our men to listen and to feel and to share, they've finally gotten the message!

Okay, I Admit It

Back in July, I posted about a person I worked with last year who was a bit petty. Well, I don't know what happened over the summer, but that person is GONE!!! I'm very happy to say that she who was once petty is now pretty cool. It's amazing the way we're getting along and I'm proud to say that she's now my friend. I don't know if it was her, or if it was me, but whatever or whoever it was, things are much better now. We've both said how much more we appreciate each other this year, compared to last year, and now, yes, here it is: I was wrong. There, I said it. Are you happy? I hope so, 'cause I can't imagine I'll ever say those words again. Just ask my husband...

A Letter to My Husband's Boss

(If you might be offended by a little cussing - and believe me, it's way toned down from what's really going through my mind - or by, uh, I don't know, maybe the truth, then I would stop reading now or your face might melt and slide down your facial bones. And yes, Daddy, I know I shouldn't be writing this. Perhaps when I'm not so upset I'll consider taking it down. But that won't be today. And probably not tomorrow, either.)

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You suck. How dare you decide to take away Kenin's sales commission without telling him upfront! You have no clue how hard he works for you. He's brought in 100K on his accounts in the last month alone, and you want to tell him that he can't have commission on that? You, who want him to do sales calls (without commission, naturally) while he's on the first vacation that our family has had in five years, want him to do something for you that is not even his job and that you're not going to pay him for, even his lousy 1 damn per cent commission? And you want this done on our vacation?? Are you insane? I didn't know they even made drugs that were so good that it caused you to think that you could intrude on a family vacation, particularly one that isn't yours!

In July, the day that you told Kenin he was getting a raise, you said that your goal was to give him so much money that he couldn't afford to leave your shop because he does such a great job for you. Well let me tell you something, asshole... this is not the way to go about accomplishing that goal. You said that you were going to consider dropping his commission, but he never heard anything else about it until today. You claim to be a person who stands by his principals, but this is shit. When you interviewed Kenin, he told you he wanted to work for a company that 'says what they do and does what they say'. Oh, Company X is that kind of company, we're exactly what you're looking for, you said. Yeah, well, my ass it's that kind of company. You are so lucky that Kenin such a good damn person because if I were him, you'd be kissing good-bye all those meetings that he scheduled to get your ass in the door. They are HIS contacts, you SOB, not yours! I'd be damned if I did a single sales call for you, much less with you after this bullshit.

I guess maybe I should thank you though. Now I don't have to worry about Kenin staying up until midnight working on spreadsheets for you 3 or 4 nights a week or the 8 or 10 or 12 hours that he works every damn weekend because he feels that its for the good of Company X, even though it's really at the expense of his family life. This man would follow you to the ends of the earth and practically kill himself working for you if you only treated him the way a respectable businessman should. Look at all you've changed! And you did it all for the price of a single lousy commission check, for a stupid $1124 commission check. Your company shipped out over a half a damn million dollars worth of work last month. And you want to cheat Kenin out of his fair share of that? Out of that work that he brought in? That's just plain sad.